


an unspoken thing

by angelheartbeat



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Denial, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 12:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: Peter will never accept that she's gone.





	an unspoken thing

**Author's Note:**

> :-) i love pain

Quill's first thought when he is brought back to the dead is not concern for his own life. It is hope.

Hope that the one true love of his life is alive, somewhere, deep in the outreaches of space. Hope that she will return to him, someday, alive and well and already chastising him for his filthy ship and kissing him until he can't breathe.

He regroups with Mantis and Drax and Nebula, has Rocket and Groot rejoin them. None of them mention the missing member among their ranks at first. None of them acknowledge that they died. None of them want to.

Eventually, its Quill who mentions her name for the first time since the disappearing, causes a gaping void of silence in the ship, wider than any they had previously dealt with.  _Do you think she's alive?_ he wonders, voice thick with fear and love and emotions he can't identify nor name.

No one replies for a long, long time, until-

 _No._ Nebula says curtly, emotionless and robotic. It feels like a stab to the gut, a wound like none other he'd felt before. He won't accept it. She has to be alive. She can't be dead.

When Quill announces his plan to search for her, his teammates are skeptical at best, telling him that he has to move on, has to process his grief rationally. Distantly, he recognises that they're right, but something instinctual rises in his chest, catches in his throat when he yells at them, tells him that he has to keep trying. He can't just give up. Gamora wouldn't give up if their roles were reversed. She ~~was~~  is so determined, so fierce, and god did he adore her. 

So he sets his sights on her, ignoring the yelling and arguments and sadness flung at his head as he strapped himself into their pod, returned safely from Nidavellir.

As he left, Nebula caught him, touched his arm with a touch gentler than he'd ever felt from her.

 _Bring her back,_ she asked more than told him, voice tinged with a thick layer of grief and sadness. He knows that she needs Gamora safe just as much as he does.

So he nods.  _I promise._

And with that, he sets off alone into the vast expanse of space, heart hunting for its partner, soul itching for its mate. His music feels like a distant echo without Gamora there to mouth along and even sing, if she was in especially high spirits. Eventually, he shuts it off and flies in silence, something he has never done.

He just needs her back.

Searching every inch of the galaxy takes a long time, and it feels like centuries before he happens upon a deserted planet named Vormir. He has been ignoring every frantic transmission from his team, heart aching for both Gamora and his family. He knows they'll be safe without him. They have to be.

Quill lands on Vormir with no celebration or ceremony, feet hitting the unfamiliar soil and setting off. Something loomed in the distance, foreboding and ominous, and he heads for it with no hesitation.

When he sees a green figure on the ground his heart stops.

It feels like everything goes in slow motion as he sprints to the figures side, pain filling his mind as soon as he recognises who it is. It can't be true, no, no it  _can't,_ _she can't be dead, no-_

He lets out a scream into the empty air, breaking into visceral sobs and cradling Gamora's lifeless body in his arms, unable to process that she's gone, that her hand isn't going to rise and wipe the tears from his cheek, because she was always his stability, his darling, his  _Gamora._

His shoulders shake violently as he cries, chest hurting with how much he loves her and misses her and wishes she would just wake up. 

What hurts the most is knowing that she died alone, this far from her team, her  _family._ What Quill wouldn't give to be able to have seen her smile one more time, hear her bubbling laugh that made him fall in love all over again every time he heard it. What he wouldn't give to have her alive and well in his arms, kissing him after yet another successful mission, serious and intelligent and the fiercest woman he'd ever met.

Its a long time before he can compose himself enough to wobble to his feet, Gamora held unsteadily in his arms. Every time he opens his eyes he can see her face, pained and emotional, and it sends him into a tailspin of grief and rage, sheer anger at Thanos for murdering the greatest person in the galaxy.

When he reaches the pod again he wraps Gamora in his jacket, brushes a lock of her hair from her face, and he cannot believe how much it looks like she could be sleeping, and how much he wants to awaken her.

 _I'm coming back,_ he tells the Guardians over the communicator, voice clipped in an attempt to push down the sob threatening to spill out of him again, and the outburst of relief almost makes him vomit. They send him their coordinates.

 _Gamora?_ Nebula asks, eerily calm, the first time Quill's heard her voice since he left. He swallows, tears falling again at even the mention of her name, and he glances back to the woman he loves, gone forever.

 _Gone._  

**Author's Note:**

> i miss them and i want them to be happy
> 
> hey uh comment or ill actually die instantly
> 
> ive never written starmora before jinkies


End file.
